On Being Afraid

I am really really afraid. I fear tornadoes, burglars breaking into my house, death by stabbing - pretty normal-type fears. However, recently I am afraid of my next race. This will be my first half-ironman. I'm probably looking at a 7 hour effort next Sunday (7/19).

Have I done my training - pretty much....at least 85% of it. So I should be ready - do I feel ready - pretty much... So what is it that I am afraid of?

I'm a little bit afraid of the swim part of this race because the water will be really cold. I'm hoping the water won't be REALLY cold like it was last year (54 degrees) when my friends did this race. I'm afraid of trying to run 13 miles after my swim and bike - I'm just not convinced that I can make it. Mostly though, I'm afraid of failing.

I have looked forward to doing this distance since November of last year. I was really disappointed that I didn't give this a shot last year, but I had a hip injury that kept me tempered. So now that the date is looming - I don't want to do it anymore because I am afraid that I will FAIL!

So what happens if I do fail? The world will continue to spin on its axis, the sun will rise daily, I will get up and go to work everyday, my husband will probably continue to snore - so essentially life will go on.

I think there is some chemical that lives inside the brain of a triathlete that makes the mere thought of failure rank amongst the greatest of all fears - and yet it isn't an earth-shattering experience. It happens sometimes no matter how hard you try.

What to do? Well, here's what I'm working on. Keeping a positive attitude - why fear failure when it isn't even an option. But what if......