Getting Old

Doesn't that phrase just depress you? I have a theory on this and I truly hope it holds a LOT of water. You can't stop from getting OLDER but you can stop being old. This is not a concept that my father can grasp. But then, there really aren't many concepts that he can grasp.

Here's the story - about 3 weeks ago my father had a very serious heart attack. They were able to put in a stent and clear some massive blockage and YES, save his life. But here's where I have to ask the question: for what?

My dad is 77 years old. He was previously diagnosed with Alzheimer's but after a hideous, horrendous and a whole other blog's worth of detail, they finally decided that he doesn't have Alzheimer's but a variation of dementia caused by blockage in some arteries in his brain. Well YAY for that. At least he's been properly diagnosed. Oh, did I happen to mention that for the past 6 months I have asked my mother not to accept a diagnose of Alzheimers without further testing. The drug, Aricept, that he was taking wasn't really having any impact. His short term memory is and was non-existent.

So he finally leaves the hospital for some care at the skilled nursing facility. Every few days he actually has a lucid day where you can carry on an adult conversation. The rest of the time, I'm not sure what world he roams through.

Yesterday I stopped by to take him an extra pillow. He made this request of my mother a week ago and she came back with a small travel pillow. That's not what he wanted - not sure where she came up the idea of a small travel pillow - but she's another trip as well.

When I got there, he broke down crying. He said he was having a bad day and that he was in a lot of pain. Mostly in his legs, which I figure is coming from all the physical therapy he's getting. So I asked the aide for some Tylenol to help with his pain. She gave him that and I surely hoped it helped. However, he continued this crying jag all the while mumbling about getting old and how terrible it is. What did he do to deserve this? To deserve what? Getting old - isn't he lucky to be able to get older? Isn't he lucky he didn't die? But then, he doesn't even remember what happened to him. He doesn't remember that he has asked me "How come you're here so early?" about every 5 minutes.

My dad isn't well-educated, barely graduated high school. He did provide for his family and raised 3 children - well, my mom did the raising. But he did most of the providing. Now he is retired and he has time to spend on his interests. What would those be? None, zero, zilch. He gets up, sits in a chair and sleeps, eats, and goes back to to bed about 6:30 in the evening. Now I have to ask the question - what kind of life is that? And you are wondering why you are sitting in a nursing home in a wheelchair crying? Isn't it obvious? So my question is - what kind of quality of life is this?

The lesson to be learned here is - do not sit around and wait to get old and die. I won't be doing that. I'm hoping that when the time comes, I'm out on the race course. I'm hoping that as I get older I won't be old and I hope that I will always be living until I cease to exist in this world.

Almost One Week Later

Failure was not an option - I knew that all along, but...you...just...never...know. Here is my Racine Half Iron Distance race report.

Swim - water temp on Sunday was 64 degrees. I really hate to wear a wetsuit, but sometimes there is no other way. I lost my training partner, Elena, on the walk down to the swim start. I'm not sure how that happened, except maybe I stopped at the porta-johns before heading down.

I found Elena standing next to me with 10 secs before our start. We ran into the water and you had to run almost to the first buoy as the water was so shallow. I tried to swim through the crowded wave, but it was very difficult. Since the water was so shallow, I kept standing and running and swimming for awhile. Then the water deepened and I tried to get into a rhythm. I was struggling really bad and ended up having to side-stroke for a time. I beat myself up the whole time as I see myself as an excellent swimmer and I'm wondering why I can't seem to get going sometimes. Finally, I settled down and swam to the last buoy, made the turn and began the run into shore. And there was Elena, right with me. She took off running up the beach to transition and I opted to slowly jog my way. She was only doing the Aquabike (swim and bike) so she could push it a bit harder.

Bike - I took my time and got everything I needed. Ran my bike out of transition and jumped on to begin the 56 mile journey. I had decided to try to hold a steady, comfortable pace for awhile. There was a lot of people on the course and it was difficult to try not to draft. There were a lot of people intentionally drafting. In fact, this guy went past the girl in front of me and told her she could draft off him all she wanted. She responded that she couldn't do that - good for her!

About mile 15, Elena pulls up next to me - why was she behind me? She indicated that she must've spent too much time in T1 - roger that. Then she went on her way. I wanted to get some water from the aid stations, but had never grabbed a bottle while riding before - I was a little nervous. But I gave it a try and it went very well. Took a few swigs of water and tossed the bottle - what a waste! I did that at all the stations ensuring I got enough water and I had Heed in my aerobottle - I never did finish all of that. I did finish all of my gel and Sustained Energy mixture.

About mile 40 I saw Elena up ahead of me. I sped up and asked her "What do you think?" to which she responded, "I think I need to beat you!" and she sped off again. I pretty much stayed behind her the rest of the way in. I was actually feel quite well and then realized that I was nearing the beginning of a 13 mile run - oh my God! When I got off my bike at T2 I told the volunteer that I hoped there was a new pair of legs waiting for me at my rack as the current pair were worn out.

I, again, took my time in transition and started off on my run. I jogged to the hill and began walking up. Can you believe the photographer was in the middle of the hill. He was telling people they needed to be running - so I did for my picture and finished walking up the hill. Then I began my 7 min run/1 min walk sequence. I was able to hold that for the first 6.5 mile loop and then it was all bets off. The second loop was for survival and finishing the race.

At various points on the bike and on the run, I became a bit emotional as I realized the day had finally come and I was doing this race. I was feeling pretty confident that I would make it to the finish. The run course was great as I was able to see all of the tri club members at least once on the run. It was helpful to know that they were still on the course when I hit the run rather than being totally done. I was on my first loop and most of them were on their second. That second loop was tough, but I kept alternating running with walking - although in retrospect, I wished I could've gotten a little bit faster time. But then, that's why you do the race again.

So, after the turnaround on the second loop, I kept slingshotting back and forth with this one girl. We talked a little bit and I would run by. She would pass me again when I stopped to walk. As we neared the finish, I ran past her for the final time - I didn't realize she was in my age group. I feel a little bad for her as she essentially had me beat but her run was worst than mine and I got past her for an award.

When I crossed the finish line, I was happy to be done, but didn't feel the swell of emotions that I had previously experienced on the course. Everyone from the tri club was cheering for me and the announcer noted the fact that I was another St. Louis tri club member to finish the race. He went on to thank the club for being so supportive and for coming up - good PR for the club.

The whole experience was great but best of all was spending so much time with many of the club members. They are truly a friendly and supportive group.

The race itself was staffed very well with lots of volunteers and the townspeople were quite friendly and supportive out on the course. A very positive experience. My only complaint was the post race food - fruit, pork & beans (?) and peanut butter and jelly on a hamburger bun. I was really happy the club grilled up hamburgers and hotdogs so I could eat something a bit more substantial.

So I have completed my very first half iron distance race and lived to tell about it - Yay! So will I do that distance again - most definitely!

On Being Afraid

I am really really afraid. I fear tornadoes, burglars breaking into my house, death by stabbing - pretty normal-type fears. However, recently I am afraid of my next race. This will be my first half-ironman. I'm probably looking at a 7 hour effort next Sunday (7/19).

Have I done my training - pretty much....at least 85% of it. So I should be ready - do I feel ready - pretty much... So what is it that I am afraid of?

I'm a little bit afraid of the swim part of this race because the water will be really cold. I'm hoping the water won't be REALLY cold like it was last year (54 degrees) when my friends did this race. I'm afraid of trying to run 13 miles after my swim and bike - I'm just not convinced that I can make it. Mostly though, I'm afraid of failing.

I have looked forward to doing this distance since November of last year. I was really disappointed that I didn't give this a shot last year, but I had a hip injury that kept me tempered. So now that the date is looming - I don't want to do it anymore because I am afraid that I will FAIL!

So what happens if I do fail? The world will continue to spin on its axis, the sun will rise daily, I will get up and go to work everyday, my husband will probably continue to snore - so essentially life will go on.

I think there is some chemical that lives inside the brain of a triathlete that makes the mere thought of failure rank amongst the greatest of all fears - and yet it isn't an earth-shattering experience. It happens sometimes no matter how hard you try.

What to do? Well, here's what I'm working on. Keeping a positive attitude - why fear failure when it isn't even an option. But what if......

Headed Down the Wrong Path

I'm talking about the path of bad luck. Once it starts, it's really hard to reverse direction. For example, I've been bike riding regularly now for 5 years. The only flats I've had usually happened before I left the house or before I took off on my ride - I've been lucky. My luck has changed.



Last week I had grand plans to ride 50+ miles. I had a great route planned but before I left the house (lucky me) I discovered I had a flat tire - it had to be the back tire. I quickly changed the flat and was on my way. I was 45 miles into my ride with 10 left to get back home. I noticed that the sky was looking particularly ominous and I was luckily (again, the good luck part) at a park with a shelter where I could wait out a storm if need be. I called home to get my husband to give me a weather update - he said it looked bad and that the radar map showed a large storm area - so I arranged for him to pick me up - end of ride. The sad part - the actual storm didn't arrive for two more hours - I could've easily finished my ride.



This week, I made arrangements with a friend to do a brick of 40 mile ride followed by a 5 mile run. Mapped out another route for both. We took off and 11 miles out, my back tire flats again. No problem getting the tube changed - BIG problem working the CO2 cartridges. Here is an area where I'm severely challenged for some reason. I did get the first cartridge to work but thought the tire felt very full and pulled it off. I don't know to TURN the cartridge to regulate the flow of gas - I do now - but not until after I blew all four of our cartridges. So the plan was for my friend to ride back to get her car and pick me up - I was going to start walking back to our meetup spot, about two miles away.



Walking any distance in bike shoes sucks. I got back to our meeting spot and waited - for about an hour. Employees getting off work from a close-by company hung around me - they were all a little strange. The one guy was yelling at someone - no one was sure quite who - about the cost of fixing a broken vehicle and the senselessness of spending $250 on something - not sure what - but he kept yelling.



While I was walking, I came up with a better solution but I didn't bring a cellphone with me as my friend had hers. You only need one phone right? Wrong.... There was actually a bike shop right around the corner from our meeting place - oh well, better luck (there's that word again) next time.



So today I decided to change out my tire as I think that was the problem. There was a lot of cuts in my tire, so I put on a new one I had laying around - won a set of tires from a bike seminar I went to, so now I had a chance to use one. It was all folded up - so I spent a bit of time bending it around the tube. Got it about 90% on and it was just too tight - I couldn't get the tire on the wheel. I went up to my local bike shop where the owner put the tire on for me and I went home. He was really busy fitting a client to a bike, so I was LUCKY that he could take a minute or two to help me out.



After I got home, I tried to pump up the tire and couldn't get the pump to stay on the stem. I decided to start over and take the tire off to put on a better tube. Remember how I couldn't get the tire on because it was so tight - well, now I can't get the tire off and broke a tire lever trying. So quite humbly I trekked back to the bike shop and explained my situation. This guy is so nice, he put a new tube on and didn't charge me for his time or the tube. I bought a set of $4 tire levers from him. Now my bike is ready to ride again. My only concern - if I flat again, will I be able to change that tire or will it just be TOUGH LUCK.

Do You Get It?

Today (Easter Sunday), my friend and I went out for our training ride. My schedule called for a 3 hour ride and I'm not certain what she had - however, she had done a duathlon race yesterday and was really only in for a recovery ride. Today, the weather was not ideal. It was low 40s with 17 mph winds - I'm sure the gusts were more than that.

We were talking about our friends and family and the fact that they just don't get the whole triathlon workout ethic. This made me think about a comment my father made a few days ago. I had asked him what he had done all day and he said "nothing." He went on to explain that he's earned that right - because of his age.

I have to say that I'm very disappointed in that remark. I'm 55 years old and I hope when I reach his age I can say that I've earned the right to continue a quality life. I hope that I'm laying the ground work now that will help ensure my health and my ability to continue living a life that is more rewarding than just sitting in a chair in front of the TV all day long. Honestly, what type of existence is that?

I watched my aunt, who was always rather vibrant, let her life just slip away. She became extremely obese and at the end of her life, she wasn't able to get up and go to the bathroom herself. I worry that my father is headed down that path - how do you change that mentality? Is there a way to get through to him? I wonder what he thinks when he gets up every day - breakfast and on to the chair and the trusty remote.

I watch overweight people running around the stores in their motorized carts and I want to scream - Get off your fat ass and do something! Foreigners are SO right when they say that Americans have become fat and lazy - I look at children in church who are already exploding out of their jeans and look pudgy. What type of lazy adults are these children going to be?

I hope that I am setting an example for my kids (who are now adults) that you can continue to live a healthy active lifestyle - that this is what you should strive for and continue to maintain.

So, I'm here to say that I Get It - I Want It and I will continue as long as I can and hope I don't see the day when I'm resigned to sitting in my chair and watching life go by.

Purse Challenged

April 5th (what?) and still slacking - but I have an excuse. I've been really trying to make all my workouts - even when I have a 13 hour week. Do people my age really make a 13 hour week? I got close - how about 11?

Anyway, my purse strap broke about 2 weeks ago. At first, I successfully duct-taped it back together but about 2 days ago, it totally bit it. Now I'm carrying my purse in my arms like a baby. Friday night I went out in search of a new purse. Here's what you don't know - I get attached to a purse - REALLY attached and it takes me forever to find a replacement.

Some people buy purses like they buy shoes - but that is not me. I find one purse and I run it into the ground and when it's over, I go through the trauma of finding another one. Purses are either too big or too small or just too expensive - no Goldilocks-moment here - none that are just right.

This current purse I bought back in August off of QVC. (I'm an addict and I admit it.) It is really cute, but when I tried to put all my stuff into it, it wouldn't fit. So, I put it in my closet and figured I'd give it away. At that time I was using the D&B purse my husband bought for me about 9 months ago at an outlet store in Destin, Florida. I'd been looking for that purse for 3 years and finally found one I liked that I would let him pay for (dangling participle, I know).

Then I decided that purse was too big and forced myself to use the one off the shelf that used to be too small. I got it to work out for me and now it's broken. The D&B purse is too big and to heavy - so I need to find something else.

I went to the mall on Friday night (which is truly an experience as the range of fashions on the high school kids is amazing - some very weird stuff). I went to Sears, Macy's, Penney's and Dillard's and found only one potential purse that cost $85 and I didn't like it that much - so I came home empty-handed.

Today, I was going to transfer my stuff into the D&B purse and just couldn't bring myself to do it. So, I guess I'll be toting my "baby" purse around until I can find a suitable replacement. I hope that day comes soon.

Wishy-Washy

Boy, have I been slacking lately. No post since JANUARY 14 and today is WHAT - March 1st? That cannot be possible. Where have I been?

Mostly, I've been whining a lot about a lot of things - good to be consistent don't you think. For starters, one of my employees broke her ankle on Christmas Eve and was unable to return to work until February 16 - do you know how long that is? Somewheres around 7 weeks and this is an employee who does a great deal of work and that ONLY I know how to do. So in addition to my own job, I had to do hers. This was very stressful and really set me back quite a bit.

So that's really my excuse - I am sticking to it. Well, that and the fact that my life was so boring and work oriented, who would have time to deal with writing a blog of any consequence?

I had a very long story to tell regarding my Citibank Mastercard and it was so long and convoluted that I decided to postpone that for a time. Needless to say, that is one card that will be cut up and replaced very soon.

The actual point of my post for today regards a 10 mile trail run that I did yesterday. Yesterday's temps were not to get out of the low 30s and when the race started it was 20-something. If you know me at all, you know I hate the cold.

I also lost last weekend as I had to be out of town for work. I had to be in Orlando - I know you're wondering how that could be a bad thing. Consider this - 70 degrees outside (yes!) and me stuck inside for the majority of time and no bike (can you feel my pain?) Not to mention, the inability to get my personal things done last weekend - but I digress.

So, I decided that I wouldn't do this race. I needed to catch up on my life.... and my training.

I barely found the time to go pick up my race packet. I had to scoot out of work in the morning to go pick it up. I looked at my workout for Saturday and it indicated 1:30 run with lots of hills - gee, wouldn't a 10 mile trail run fit that bill? Too bad I'm not going to do it. Besides I want to sleep in on Satuday.

I ran into one of my friends at packet pickup. The guy who gave me stuff said he would see me at the race - yes, but I'm not going to go. I need to sleep and it's going to be too cold. My friend told me she was going to probably drop out around the 5 mile mark due to nagging hamstring injury. Well, maybe I could just do that. Do the race as a training run and drop off at 5 miles - oh, and the race doesn't even start until 10:00 - I can sleep in AND maybe the temps will be better at that time.

So, now I have changed course. My friend and I made arrangements to ride together to the race, sort of stay together on the course and drop off at 5 miles.

First of all, it was cold and I couldn't wait for the race to start so that I could get myself warmed up. Once it started, everyone ran by us and we appeared to be bringing up the rear. I really hate to be last, but if you drop out, you DNF and no one really knows you were last.

I started to feel pretty good and had an opportunity to pass a guy - so I did, leaving my friend behind. I picked up a little more speed and kept on trucking along. I felt pretty good at the 5 mile mark and decided to give it a go. I passed a few more people along the way and knew I would not be last - so I finished the race.

So I went from blowing off the race to doing only half the race to finishing the race. If you were my friend, would you believe anything that I said?

Actually, as I ran I began to think about the fact that I would be attempting my first half Iron distance in July - would I quit during the run because I was tired or it was too hard? I would hope not, so I used this race as preparation for the mental challenge of a half. I know, it's not even close, but given my initial plan for the race, it would work. So that's what kept me going - the fact that I hate when I quit. It's like having a bad hangover - you can't really do anything to change the awful predicament you have gotten yourself into - so rather than feel the pain of the next day, I opted to feel the pain of completing the race and the absolute HIGH that you get when the race is over. I guess that is what keeps us all going!

On Being A Race Director

My first endeavor in this arena is this Saturday at 10:00 AM when I co-direct a 5k and 10k run for our triathlon club. I am SO excited and SO scared - the anticipation and panic are mounting daily.

The decisions to be made are exponential and with each decision I waiver and look for guidance. The other director has taken on all the parts of the job that I don't like - she is doing the majority of personal contact. I'm doing all the online, non-personal tasks. At this point, I'm not entirely certain that I'm pulling my weight.

She will be out there tomorrow morning in the frigid cold hanging NO PARKING signs along the route. I feel bad that I can't be there and glad that I can't be there. I hate cold - I hate cold real bad.

This is the third year for this race and in the past no one has really taken the time to promote it properly. We decided this year would be different - we had a crackerjack team of volunteers putting registration forms out all over the city. Last year there were 47 runners - this year we made the decision to stop accepting registrations when they reached 200 as we planned for far less and told city officials and police we were expecting 100-150. Not necessarily a popular decision if you intended to run in the race and just now decided to signup.

We had a blogspot to post information and participant lists, we had links to registration setup on the tri club site and local running store and track club sites. We had volunteers out beating the bushes for freebies for the packets.

We have these really cool looking beanies to give out instead of the ceremonious tee shirt. We have trophies and medals to hand out to the winners.

And we are hoping for a really awesome race and experience for the 200 that had the foresight to sign up before the week of the race. Lots of people inquiring and go away frowning - but next year we will be ready. We know the best way to promote and get the runners stoked - we will have a handle on how much money we will have to spend on niceties and awards.

So, it's been a true learning experience and I'm not really sure that I would want to do it again. But, you know, these things are like childbirth and triathlon - the joy at the end always seems to overwhelm the pain.

Starting off the New Year Right

i started off the new year by doing a 15k run with friends in a new neighborhood. I first ran a 10k with my training friend - we had to dodge the sticky balls and cracks and raises in the sidewalk while my friend kept checking the map to be sure we stayed on the route. It went well and I felt great.

My friend was done after the 10k, but I wasn't. So I went back out to run a 5k add-on and I reversed the route hoping to meet up with the folks that were running a half marathon. I never did run into them but was having a great run. The weather was about 35 degrees and the the sun was shining. I was running through a very nice park, but had to keep checking the route map to be sure I made the correct turns. Since this was a neighborhood that was off my beaten path, I wanted to make sure I didn't get lost. So, I had a little less than a mile to go and looked down at the map (while running) to check for my next turn and then down I went. I'm not even sure how I tripped. I landed on my left hand - bending back the nail on my index finger. Do you know how bad that hurts? and my right knee - felt like I skinned it a little bit. My Garmin even popped off the quick release wrist band.

So I popped my Garmin back in place, brushed myself off and continued on with my run. Of course, I'm cursing myself for being such a klutz. Got back to the house with the rest of my friends and enjoyed a great BBQ lunch - the neighborhood smelled of the BBQ as I approached the house and I was very hungry. In fact, I completely forgot all about my fall until I got ready to leave and had to go down a step out of the house. My knee hurt REALLY bad, but I continued loading up my car and headed for home.

After I got home, I was mostly whiny about my finger and my hand. I checked my knee and it was pretty scraped up - but nothing major. Later on that evening my chest muscle hurt on the side where I caught myself with my hand. The cold I had been fighting off also descended on me. I also wondered if my chest hurt due to my cold - just not entirely sure.

As the days went by, my knee felt better, my finger and hand felt better and the pain in my chest went away. If not for the cold, I would've been feeling pretty normal. I went ahead and took Monday as a rest day from workouts to try to recover from my cold.

Tuesday is workout with the trainer day and she is tough. She is really tough with me because she knows I will try to complete the workout and challenge myself - which is exactly how we proceeded through the workout. I had told her about all my "excuses" - I try hard, but I also whine along the way...in case you didn't know that about me. She took me seriously and she told me to be a bit cautious and see how things went. I was doing all the leg work just fine and the arm work as well. I did my plank jumps with no pain. We moved on to the ball pass using the Swiss ball and when I reached over my head, the pain in my chest was unbelievable. I figured that I had just sparked a muscle spasm and continued on - big mistake.

I was going to swim and/or run later that evening but weenied out on that - the pain in my chest was just too intense. It was no better today AND to top it all off - I totally scraped a big hunk of skin off the top of my finger when I was carrying a basket of laundry. I managed to run into the corner of the wall with my hand - so once again, I am just a big mess.

So do I do these things to myself to give me "excuses" to skip out on my workouts punishing myself mentally because I'm not doing what I think I should? Am I just the biggest klutz on the planet? I'm hoping that this is not a trend for me for 2009 - maybe I'm just getting it all out of my system during the off-season and will be ready to rock n roll soon.

Fingers crossed....

Here's to Breathing in 2009

What am I talking about? Didn't I breathe in 2008? Well, of course I did - but my farewell to 2008 was definitely questionable.

We never go out on New Year's Eve for many reasons: (1) we are older, wiser and not ready to die just yet; (2) we are fearful of the Popo (that's what my son calls the police and we don't want any DWI) - on that note I have to say that throughout our lifetime, we have been extremely lucky with the number of times we questionably drove home after imbibing - we didn't get caught, we didn't kill anyone and we didn't kill ourselves - enough said; (3) it's just too crowded to go anywhere.

BUT, last night, we went to a small bar near our house because it was my brother-in-law's 50th birthday - so we felt obligated to go. This turned out to be a huge mistake and one I am paying for today.

I have forgotten how smoky bars can get! We got there about 8:30 and left at 10:30 - I had a headache and felt like I was going to throw-up. One of the guys at our table is my son's girlfriend's father - whom I have never met before. My son and his girlfriend are getting engaged soon - they already have the ring - why aren't they engaged yet? Who knows - that's another story. Anyway, he was lighting up regularly and when he left, I felt a small bit of relief. Then another friend of my brother-in-law and his wife sat next to us and they both lit up the fire sticks. It was really more than I could take so we had to come home.

So add that to another reason to stay home on New Year's Eve - unless there is a smoke-free bar somewhere - oh yeah, they are smoke-free in Illinois - but that's too far to go.

I used to be a smoker - how is that even possible? I can't believe I did that for 15 years of my life - it is so awful and now my nephew is a smoker. My non-working, non-going-to-school 17 year old nephew smokes and his parents go out and buy cigarettes for him. His parents, who used to be smokers and finally quit, actually get in their car and drive to the store for the sole purpose of purchasing cigarettes for the lazy bastard! I asked my sister-in-law, "You let him smoke cigarettes?!" and she said that she didn't have a choice. But, she does have a choice about providing him with them to which she replied that he is difficult to live with unless he has his cigarettes. In my mind, the little slug can walk to the store himself to get them - but that's just me.

OK - I digressed just a bit. But the bottom line is that SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH - but then you already knew that. I wish everyone else did.

So, I'm home and desmoking my clothes and body for 2009.